There are many reasons why you may be a parent without a partner including the loss of a loved one, divorce, legal issues or by choice. This section gives some advice if you are finding life as a parent without a partner difficult.
Coping and Grieving
Allow time for you and your children to adjust. Convalescence from an emotional 'operation' such as a divorce or separation is essential.
Join a support group that involves both you and your children, such as Parents Without Partners or a religious or community organization.
Strive not to upset your children's routine. It's important to maintain a sense of stability; any drastic change on top of a divorce, separation or death of a partner may be too much for a child to handle.
Divorce, separation or death often places financial pressures on the family. Communicate this situation openly to your children, as age and understanding dictate. They should feel part of, not alienated from, new realities affecting your family.
Reach out for help if necessary. Friends and family can often be important pillars in times of crisis. Counselors can also provide valuable direction and professional advice.
Do not encourage your children to make other people feel sorry for them because of their loss. By dealing with the divorce or loss with honesty, they will realize that life, although difficult at times, goes on.
Encourage your children to talk to you about their feelings. If they are unable to talk to you, encourage them to speak to someone else. A mentor, teacher or older family member (such as an aunt or uncle), can be a safe, trusted resource for children.
In the early stages of divorce or separation, relate as many important details as possible to children, concerning where they will live, when they will see the other parent, what they will tell their friends, etc. Change is inevitable, but by communicating information to your children, they will be better equipped to cope.
A child may lose self-esteem and self-confidence when he/she faces divorce or the death of a parent; thus, you may wish to arrange special activities where their talents will be recognized and rewarded.
Encourage children to find ways of fondly remembering a deceased parent by presenting them with a framed picture of their mother/father or by giving them a memento that was especially dear to the deceased parent.
Practice stress-management. Find constructive outlets for you and your child's frustrations such as exercise, scheduled 'time-out' periods and/or reading or playing games. Arrange to have someone you can call at any time. Make yourself available to do the same for someone else.
Do not set time limits for yourself or your children to adjust. The healing process varies, although an average adjustment period ranges from two to five years.
Talking to Children
Children already are aware of parental difficulties and often know more than their parents realize. By acknowledging reality, the child's fear of the unknown lessens.
Assure children they are not responsible for the breakup nor are they being rejected or abandoned. Relate the news in a loving manner. Indicate that divorce is a decision made by adults, not by children.
Place personal feelings aside and refrain from criticizing your former partner. Expressing anger or bitterness toward your children's parent can be more injurious than the divorce or separation itself.
Do not put children in the middle by encouraging them to take 'sides'. Reassure them that they are allowed to love both you and your ex-spouse.
Encourage children to express their feelings about the separation in a loving and supportive manner. Provide brief, prompt, direct and honest answers to their questions and provide a sympathetic ear.
Expose your children to other single parent families -- socially, educationally, civically and through religious affiliations.
Tell your children how important they are to you. Over and over again.
If you find this information useful, you can find more details on the PWP website
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